I'm at a lost now, and I really have no idea as to how I can explain this to you properly because every time I focus my attention onto you and you alone, I cannot concentrate and I lose all my courage. But is courage even supposed to be a factor in this? Quite frankly, I have no idea.

What's this supposed to mean to you, and to me? Why do I always get the idea that you have no idea, absolutely no idea what you are pursuing and what you are trying to pursue? Why do I always feel like I'm the person cleaning after you? I'm not sick of it, I'm just questioning myself. But then again, should I even be questioning my motives in helping you? Again, I haven't any clue.

I don't believe in escaping a problem, because experience has proved to me that escaping from a problem will just aggravate the situation. But how? You can't possibly provide an answer for me, can't you?

You have no idea, absolutely no idea how things work. And me explaining things to you just makes the whole thing so much more complicated and several degrees harder for me to deal with.

It disturbs me more than anything to think about you and all the things you expect out of me. It disturbs me when I think of your smugness and you looking down and judging, criticizing other people when sometimes, you're just like them. It disturbs me when people make unnecessary and insensitive comments about what I'm doing for you. It disturbs me when you appear to be just so insensitive and inconsiderate and so blind. And it disturbs me most, when I think of how you probably wouldn't think that I was writing about you when you see this because you are so blinded by your smugness.

Why am I even doing this? What am I trying to prove? And why do I even bother to try to explain to you time and again about how this is so not about you even though you initiated tis grand project which you can't handle on your own.

Saying 'thanks' repeatedly doesn't help one bit. Maybe being a tad, just a tad more sensitive and more sensible on your side would be all I need, all I ever need from you in my lifetime. Just...don't be so blinded by dreams, they're neither realistic nor practical. Think about how you can make this a reality, without having to rely so much on other people. Understand that while you are probably having hell of a time thinking about how we are behind time, I am struggling here to keep up with a schedule that's not even happening.

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:/ I feel so bad even writing this. What is wrong with me?